Trying this again.

I decided to try this business of blogging from my phone again. Still not sure what I think other than the fact that I can type much faster on my computer.

Oh well.

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Starting Again

So, tomorrow I start some online classes to train as a paralegal. It's a year long program and I am pretty excited about it. As you know, I am already working in a law office and am enjoying that so much that I have decided to make a career change out of it. So far it's been good.

We have had a lot of rain lately and for me, that get's depressing. I tend to frequent the pool here at our apartments and not getting out enough does me no good. I tend to eat more when I get out less and that just adds to the...well to me.

That's about it for the time being. I am hoping I still have time to blog when the classes start as well as hoping I feel inspired to blog. Truthfully, I am not pouring much into my head to inspire me and I can do something about that. Maybe I will.

Not too many of these

I had an encounter with God tonight. Not that I don't encounter Him everyday but tonight it was personal, He was really speaking to me.

I had an experience like this about 10 years ago in the living room of my little one bedroom apartment I shared with my two boys. It's hard to explain but I became overwhelmed with the notion that, there, in my living room, sat with me the same God that conversed with Noah about building the ark. I know it sounds silly but in a very special moment I was overcome with the reality of His presence and I have never forgot that moment. Tonight was not unlike that night.

I think I mentioned before that I am part of a new program at our church called Redemption Group. It is an intense 12 week study on the Exodus that leads us to examine parts of our own lives in light of that story. It has been an amazing experience for me and I can say without hesitation that no other study has drawn out of me the things this study has.

In the course of an evening we often open us the floor to ask one another questions as we feel led by the Holy Spirit. I realize this might seem weird to someone who doesn't practice the same faith as I do but, nevertheless, that's how we operate in the group.

Leading up to my time in this group has been a couple of dry years between me and the Lord. I have not questioned His existence or anything like that but have really struggled with how distant I have felt from Him. Honestly, I never expected the Holy Spirit to use me in that group because I had come to believe I wasn't someone He wanted to use. In a sense, I felt useless.

Imagine my surprise tonight when I felt a burning desire to ask, not one, but two questions. When I say burning, I mean I was going to leap out of my seat if I didn't get to open my mouth. What was even more interesting was that I wasn't necessarily interested in knowing the answers. I just knew that the questions had to be asked. After asking them, I was humbled by how apparent it was that God had led me to ask those questions. I was feeling joy and humility all at once as I realized that in spite of myself, He used me. And that's not even the cool part.

When I left I turned on the car and hit play on my MP3 player for the ride home. The words,"though silent I can tell, that you're alive and well, cause I can feel you move in me", played through the stereo and I had immediate goose bumps as I realized that there in my car, Jesus sat with me. I can't explain how it feels to know that the God of the Universe is sitting in your car but I can tell you, when He is, you know it. And we rode together silently as I thanked Him for being there and for allowing me to be used tonight. It was incredible.

Things to be thankful for...

There are a couple of people in my life today who are having a rough time. The details don't really matter but suffice it to say that I have been where both of them are and hate feeling the way I know they feel. This causes me to be thankful today, which is something I forget to be most of the time. To celebrate, I decided to write a little list of things I am thankful for. Here it is.

1. Food, particularly good food which I have been blessed with the talent to create.
2. Teenage sons who don't mind hanging out at home sometimes.
3. Being a place that my kids friends know they can come to if they need it.
4. The friends my kids have. They are not all good but there are a few gems in there that I am grateful God has blessed them with.
5. The law. Not that I could ever live under it from a biblical sense, but I love the law that governs and rules our state and our country. It thrills me to know that there is a standard by which we measure right and wrong and I am thrilled to be learning it.
6. Career changes and the excitement these changes bring.
7. Hair color. I would look A LOT older than I am if I let my gray grow out.
8. Days off. As much as I enjoy going to my new job, I very much enjoyed the day off today to do nothing.
9. Jesus, mostly I am thankful for His love and sacrifice for me and I pray I can be counted worthy enough to glorify his name.

That's all I can think of right now although I know there is so much more. Be praying for my friends, for this time in their lives to pass quickly and for them to not be too wounded that they can't let God do a new thing in place of this pain.

Kim

Redemption Group

Tonight was good. I had my redemption group meeting. I was nervous to go because tonight was my turn to "tell my story". The way it goes is that we each took a turn telling our stories for ten minutes. Now, obviously you can't actually tell your whole story in ten minutes but you get the idea. What are the big issues, events and people in your life? As quickly as the ten minutes went by, I was amazed at how much I managed to include.

So that's over with now. I am glad. It's really easy to be honest about your life within the anonymity of a blog but doing so face to face with people is a whole other story. It's funny too because I generally don't get freaked out talking about my self. I might even say that most of the time I like it. I know how self-centered that is by the way. Yet, this time was different. I was genuinely nervous. I think that's because the goal of this group is to help me dig in and see how these points in my life have changed my focus.

One of the main premises of what we are doing in Redemption Group is that inherent in being human is being a worshiper. We all worship something. I can look over the way I have dealt with much of the pain of my past and honestly, I have to ask myself, do I worship that pain? It sure gets a lot of mileage in my head. It certainly defines me more than I have allowed anything else to define me. And I am not certain I am comfortable with that. I want to be defined by something bigger, something amazing.

I will share more as I go through this program. I am excited and challenged at the same time. I look forward to changing the patterns in my thinking as I go and trying to learn a new way to see me and those around me. I am humbled by the kindness and honesty of the other women in my group. I am blessed to be walking this journey with them and blessed that you all will walk it with me.

Goodnight.

Kim

At a loss

Tonight is not such a good night. And I am kind of at a loss of what to do. So, I thought, now's a good time to blog. That's what it's there for right?

It started out ok. We planned to spend some time hanging out as a family. So far so good. Last night I had fallen asleep early and I wanted to be more attentive tonight. We were planning a family movie night, this being the first night of summer. We used to do this when my older boys were little. We would pull out all the blankets in the house and make a big bed on the floor. Then we would get into our jammies and watch a movie or whatever line up of shows we were addicted to at the time. These were always fun times and today my 14 year old suggested we do it again with Ephram and DeAndre. It sounded like a plan to me.

James wanted me to watch a show he has recorded for me last night. I knew he was trying to be thoughtful so I relented even though I was eager to get on with our movie night with the kids. We sent the little ones to play but they didn't want to go. They started fussing at each other and soon had earned an early bedtime and, thus, no movie night. We were all disappointed.

Since then things have taken a turn for the worse. Nobody here is in a great mood and that leads to either silence or yelling. Tonight it's silence and it's so loud it's deafening. I hate the silence. I hate not talking when there is obviously something to talk about. I have feeling like I must speak but no matter what I say it will be the wrong thing. I hate how I feel right now.

So, we need some prayers tonight. And some fresh air for those of us awake. Rest too, that would be good. Other than that, I am, as I said, at a loss.

Kim

Blogging from my phone...

Right now I am blogging from my phone. I'm not sure I like it though. I guess in a pinch it would do. I don't really have anything other than that to report today.