Tonight was good. I had my redemption group meeting. I was nervous to go because tonight was my turn to "tell my story". The way it goes is that we each took a turn telling our stories for ten minutes. Now, obviously you can't actually tell your whole story in ten minutes but you get the idea. What are the big issues, events and people in your life? As quickly as the ten minutes went by, I was amazed at how much I managed to include.
So that's over with now. I am glad. It's really easy to be honest about your life within the anonymity of a blog but doing so face to face with people is a whole other story. It's funny too because I generally don't get freaked out talking about my self. I might even say that most of the time I like it. I know how self-centered that is by the way. Yet, this time was different. I was genuinely nervous. I think that's because the goal of this group is to help me dig in and see how these points in my life have changed my focus.
One of the main premises of what we are doing in Redemption Group is that inherent in being human is being a worshiper. We all worship something. I can look over the way I have dealt with much of the pain of my past and honestly, I have to ask myself, do I worship that pain? It sure gets a lot of mileage in my head. It certainly defines me more than I have allowed anything else to define me. And I am not certain I am comfortable with that. I want to be defined by something bigger, something amazing.
I will share more as I go through this program. I am excited and challenged at the same time. I look forward to changing the patterns in my thinking as I go and trying to learn a new way to see me and those around me. I am humbled by the kindness and honesty of the other women in my group. I am blessed to be walking this journey with them and blessed that you all will walk it with me.