Weary Wings

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Things to be thankful for...

There are a couple of people in my life today who are having a rough time. The details don't really matter but suffice it to say that I have been where both of them are and hate feeling the way I know they feel. This causes me to be thankful today, which is something I forget to be most of the time. To celebrate, I decided to write a little list of things I am thankful for. Here it is.

1. Food, particularly good food which I have been blessed with the talent to create.
2. Teenage sons who don't mind hanging out at home sometimes.
3. Being a place that my kids friends know they can come to if they need it.
4. The friends my kids have. They are not all good but there are a few gems in there that I am grateful God has blessed them with.
5. The law. Not that I could ever live under it from a biblical sense, but I love the law that governs and rules our state and our country. It thrills me to know that there is a standard by which we measure right and wrong and I am thrilled to be learning it.
6. Career changes and the excitement these changes bring.
7. Hair color. I would look A LOT older than I am if I let my gray grow out.
8. Days off. As much as I enjoy going to my new job, I very much enjoyed the day off today to do nothing.
9. Jesus, mostly I am thankful for His love and sacrifice for me and I pray I can be counted worthy enough to glorify his name.

That's all I can think of right now although I know there is so much more. Be praying for my friends, for this time in their lives to pass quickly and for them to not be too wounded that they can't let God do a new thing in place of this pain.


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Redemption Group

Tonight was good. I had my redemption group meeting. I was nervous to go because tonight was my turn to "tell my story". The way it goes is that we each took a turn telling our stories for ten minutes. Now, obviously you can't actually tell your whole story in ten minutes but you get the idea. What are the big issues, events and people in your life? As quickly as the ten minutes went by, I was amazed at how much I managed to include.

So that's over with now. I am glad. It's really easy to be honest about your life within the anonymity of a blog but doing so face to face with people is a whole other story. It's funny too because I generally don't get freaked out talking about my self. I might even say that most of the time I like it. I know how self-centered that is by the way. Yet, this time was different. I was genuinely nervous. I think that's because the goal of this group is to help me dig in and see how these points in my life have changed my focus.

One of the main premises of what we are doing in Redemption Group is that inherent in being human is being a worshiper. We all worship something. I can look over the way I have dealt with much of the pain of my past and honestly, I have to ask myself, do I worship that pain? It sure gets a lot of mileage in my head. It certainly defines me more than I have allowed anything else to define me. And I am not certain I am comfortable with that. I want to be defined by something bigger, something amazing.

I will share more as I go through this program. I am excited and challenged at the same time. I look forward to changing the patterns in my thinking as I go and trying to learn a new way to see me and those around me. I am humbled by the kindness and honesty of the other women in my group. I am blessed to be walking this journey with them and blessed that you all will walk it with me.



Monday, June 7, 2010

At a loss

Tonight is not such a good night. And I am kind of at a loss of what to do. So, I thought, now's a good time to blog. That's what it's there for right?

It started out ok. We planned to spend some time hanging out as a family. So far so good. Last night I had fallen asleep early and I wanted to be more attentive tonight. We were planning a family movie night, this being the first night of summer. We used to do this when my older boys were little. We would pull out all the blankets in the house and make a big bed on the floor. Then we would get into our jammies and watch a movie or whatever line up of shows we were addicted to at the time. These were always fun times and today my 14 year old suggested we do it again with Ephram and DeAndre. It sounded like a plan to me.

James wanted me to watch a show he has recorded for me last night. I knew he was trying to be thoughtful so I relented even though I was eager to get on with our movie night with the kids. We sent the little ones to play but they didn't want to go. They started fussing at each other and soon had earned an early bedtime and, thus, no movie night. We were all disappointed.

Since then things have taken a turn for the worse. Nobody here is in a great mood and that leads to either silence or yelling. Tonight it's silence and it's so loud it's deafening. I hate the silence. I hate not talking when there is obviously something to talk about. I have feeling like I must speak but no matter what I say it will be the wrong thing. I hate how I feel right now.

So, we need some prayers tonight. And some fresh air for those of us awake. Rest too, that would be good. Other than that, I am, as I said, at a loss.


Thursday, June 3, 2010

Blogging from my phone...

Right now I am blogging from my phone. I'm not sure I like it though. I guess in a pinch it would do. I don't really have anything other than that to report today.