Weary Wings

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Dear James

Disclaimer: Obviously the person who means the most to me in my life is Jesus. This goes without saying. However, I don't think he needs me to blog a letter to him in order to know what's in my heart for him. He knows how much (or how little, depending on the day) I love him.

That being said...

Dear James,

This first letter is for you. It's fitting because you are my husband and my relationship with you should be the top priority as far as human relationships go. I know, however, that that is not always the case. Sometimes, in the business of life, you come in dead last. I am sorry for that, please forgive me.

I want you to know that I am so glad God gave you to me. I often find myself thinking of how fortunate I am to be married to you. Only God could have known that I needed someone as fiercely loyal as you. He knew what challenges I would bring to our relationship and he choose you for me, knowing you would stick it out in spite of how difficult I would make that for you.

You are an amazing provider. I have watched you stay with a job that takes it's toll on you knowing that you do so because you love our family. I know that you often wish you were making more money but I can't tell you enough that I have everything I need and am so grateful for the past 6 years I have been able to be at home for our family instead of working a full time job. You have valued our family enough to let me be available to them as much as possible.

I know that I don't show it enough but I truly enjoy you as a friend. I love the time that we spend together and am glad that you express how much you enjoy spending time with me. It took me a long time to understand that our trips to the grocery store could be more than a chore. I was often just trying to get the job done but you saw it as a chance to be with me even when I wasn't so gracious about it. It's been that way for much of our marriage. You have come alongside me to do things that I would normally do alone not because you didn't think I could do it, but so that we could have the joy of doing those things together. I didn't always get that and I still sometimes forget but I appreciate that you see the opportunity and seize it.

It has not been easy loving me, I know. I am moody and often distant for reasons I mostly can't explain. I am prone to giving into those moods instead of pushing through them. I know this has been hard on you. I know you often feel the weight of that and even wonder if you are responsible. I am sorry for those times and am sorry that I don't always know how to tell you to help me. I imagine it must be lonely when I shut myself off. I know, however, that during those times you are praying for me and trusting God to see me through it. Those prayers mean the world to me and I know that they are a huge part of the healing that has taken place.

I wanted to write this letter to you mostly because there were these things in my heart that I often fail to say to you. I am too quick to point out your faults rather than being the kind of wife who builds you up. Please forgive me. I do want to speak loving words of encouragement over you and will work harder at doing so. You are my best friend and as much as we've had to learn about how to live together, I cannot imagine my life without you. Thank you so much for taking this journey with me.

I love you so much,

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